The Journal of A Guy with the Palsy

I figured I kicked this off from the start. I was born 1990, no one knew it yet but I was born with a wrinkle in the left side of my brain, kicking off the Cerebral Palsy. When other children were speaking words, I was making sounds, when they were walking I was walking and then falling. Not to mention that I never stopped drooling like a newborn pitbull. Beyond that though, I was a healthy and happy kid with not a care in the world.

Yes I knew that I was far from normal when I entered school so did everyone else. Now, if this was a movie you would think I had a bully or bullies that would pick on me and I have to confront them. But in this story, there is no great evil I had to defeat. Sure, I had some grade A dbags, one clearly stands out in my mind but I won’t name him but I will call him J.W. but there was never someone who saw me and said “I’mma fuck that kid up.” I guess I was lucky living in a small town with decent people.

It was when I entered 7th grade give or take year that I began hating myself for what I was born with. I don’t remember how or exactly when it happened but it have been one night when I had nothing to do but think or go to sleep, and how many kids actually go to sleep out of freewill? The reasons would be all physical. “I wish I wouldn’t drool on my shirt,” or “I wish I was as strong as the rest of the boys.” For the longest time, I just held onto the thought that I was a waste of sperm. I never said anything to anyone til the next year. Of course I couldn’t tell my family. So who did I tell? my friends, my brothers in arm. The guys who I spent every weekend with. They saved me from killing myself, my best friend then played me like a fiddle, using my ideals against me saying that only weaklings kill themselves, something I hold true today. Every now and then my feelings of less then would return and everytime, these three men proved their friendship by bitchslapping me into believing in myself once again…

Thanks to them I joined the wrestling team, course won a match beside voids but hey I tried. So thanks, even though one of you ditched me years later, which I’m hurt over but I will always love you for what you did for my life.

So with that, I finish this post with a smile and hope that those who are reading this see that however shitty our beginnings are there is always better days. Darkness cannot be without Light, your past however how it played out made you who you are, we can use our experiences however we decide. Mankind always questioned how we became to be, but if you asked me that is the wrong question. What we should ask ourselves is how will we use our existence?